Official Website of SubstanceForYou.Com
Cart 0

He Was My Night Terror, Again!

choking drugs dying fear heroin horrendous horrific hurt night fear night terror nightmare screaming sleeping tired

I woke up choking. The air wasn’t getting down my wind-pipe and I was almost positive that I’d gotten sick and almost asphyxiated. I had thought that the night terrors of him were gone. But, almost 6 years clean and sober, practicing recovery every second of every day, I still am human and prone to err.

~

courtesy of www.keyword-suggestions.comI was sick this weekend. This was the first weekend that I’d been sick in a very long time and the weather didn’t help. It was extremely humid, I had the flu, and with horrendous sleep apnea I was having problems functioning properly. I felt very agitated and that my mind was blank during the day, but while I was sleeping I was having these night terrors, again.

I couldn’t make out what the night terrors were about on the first night, I just remember something with my dog and my dad. But the second night things had gotten worse. I saw him…

He—my old partner in crime, the guy who'd shot me with heroin the first time—was riding around in his old beat-down escort that we would go pick up dope in. His hat was slicking his hair back and the two front buck teeth he had were glaring out at me. Before I knew it wasn’t on the sidewalk anymore, either. I was sitting right next to him! It felt just like the “old days,” and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

We're doing all of the same old things that we would in our addiction, and while everything felt so real, I knew that it couldn’t be until he pulled out a needle and I wasn’t waking up. I felt paralyzed in my sleep and was screaming at myself trying to snap out of it, but I couldn’t. I was told that sleep apnea would give you a paralyzing sleep, but I didn’t know it could be this true.

courtesy of foxrabbit92.tumblr.com

I’d always struggled with PTSD inducing night-terrors in my early recovery, and they were always of this same scenario, this scenario... but I thought that I’d gotten over it! But just like everyone else on this Earth, I’m human too. There are no resentments anymore, but maybe only with this dream, it was a triggered fear that I’d kept hidden secret until my body said, “I can’t handle it right now.”

I was running a fever both of those nights, and whatever the trigger may be, the flu sure felt like being dope sick again. That? That is something that I’m deathly afraid of, too! So what did it do? It triggered me back into my same old habits and thoughts but only through a dream that I couldn’t wake up from.

The nightmare dreaded on and we proceeded to head down to Detroit where we were copping some heroin and our old buddy was there at the roundabout ready with two 50’s just like the good (or bad) ole days. This same scenario that I try to keep locked away in my book, ILLICIT: Life in the Eyes of an Addict, seemed to be reading itself to me while I slept! I try to keep my book a closed story so there are no wartime reminiscence and the recovery can move me forward instead, but to this day the only thing to trigger me so hard is the flu and its similarities to feeling dope sick.

And the moment I woke up, it was terrifying, but I didn’t let it control me. I woke up to the drop of the dope going down, and immediately choking. My wife looks over at me and asks if I’m alright, and you know something… here’s the kicker. I told her NO! “No, I’m not okay!” and that’s the best thing that I could’ve done. Why? Because we don’t have to struggle in any of these battles alone. I thank the Lord each and every day that she is there when I wake up because she’s there for me as much as I am for her.

courtesy of www.studenttalkone2one.com

So whether you experience this or not, the ultimate conclusion from this story is that 1) You’re not alone and 2) It’s 100% okay to ask for help! So don’t let an old horse keep you down, in fact let it grip you up, and grow you stronger. Because if any pop music and lyrical citations are needed here we can use it: “IT WAS ONLY JUST A DREAM!” and by asking for help we keep it as a dream and not a reality. Don’t make it a reality. You and I have worked too damn hard for our recovery, so get out there and kick today’s @$$!

And now I ask, "Do any of you feel like this?" It’s completely normal and I know people with 3X as much clean time as me that still get these feelings and emotions. But being someone who tries to lead with example in recovery I must tell you that I am no celebrity figure, I am no different than you in this struggle, and I may have a great example to lead by, but I still struggle and the answer to this problem is that it’s okay to do so, too! Just remember to not let it ruin you, control you, or become you. Remember to wake up and kick addiction’s ass with a dose of recovery nonetheless, no matter the situation!

To share a similar story on our blog and show we are not alone email me at SubstanceForYou@gmail.com 
 

Amen.

night terror night terror  He Was My Night Terror, Again! Logonight terror night terror supplements supplements> about drug addiction night terror night terror night terror night terror night terror night terror night terror night terror night terror night terror night terror night terror night terror night terror about drugs addiction about heroin addiction abuse drug rehab addicted addicted addicted drug addicted to drug addiction addiction addiction and drug dealer addiction book addiction drug addiction drug treatment addiction free addiction help addiction heroin Drug dealer Drug dealer Drug dealer Drug dealer addiction in addiction of drug addiction drug dealer addiction drug dealer blog addiction drug dealer center addiction drug dealer help addiction support groups addiction to addiction addiction to drug addiction to drugs addiction to heroin addiction to drug dealer addiction treatment addiction treatment center addiction treatment centers addiction treatment program addiction treatment programs addiction treatments addictions and drug dealer addictions book addictions help addictions drug dealer drug dealer abuse treatment drug dealer addiction help drug dealer addiction treatment drug dealer treatment center an addiction is an addiction co addiction drug dealer cocaine addiction help cocaine addiction treatment cost of heroin detox from herion detox heroin detoxing from heroin drug abuse drug abuse help drug abuse treatment drug addicted son drug addiction drug addiction and drug dealer drug addiction blog drug addiction book drug addiction help drug addiction help free drug addiction is drug addiction reasons drug addiction drug dealer drug addiction rehab drug addiction treatment drug addictions drug and addiction drug and drug dealer treatment drug and drug addiction drug detox drug of addiction drug drug dealer drug rehab drug rehab centers drug treatment centers free addiction free addiction drug dealer free drug addiction help help addiction help drug addiction help for addiction help for addictions help for addicts help for cocaine addiction Drug dealer Drug dealer Drug dealer Drug dealer help for drug addiction help for drug addicts help with addiction help with drug addiction herion addiction herion addiction treatment herion detox herion rehab herion treatment heroin abuse heroin abuse treatment heroin addict heroin addiction heroin addiction and drug dealer heroin addiction blog heroin addiction cure heroin addiction drug heroin addiction facts heroin addiction drug dealer heroin addiction signs heroin addiction stories heroin addiction symptoms heroin addiction treatment heroin addiction treatment centers heroin addiction treatments heroin addiction true stories heroin addictions heroin addicts heroin clinic heroin clinics heroin detox heroin detox at home heroin detoxification heroin drug abuse heroin drugs heroin facts heroin history heroin overdose treatment heroin rehabilitation heroin rehabilitation centers heroin support groups heroin treatment heroin treatment center heroin treatment centers heroin treatment options heroin treatment programs heroin treatments heroin withdrawal heroin withdrawal symptoms heroin withdrawal treatment heroine addiction heroine detox Drug dealer Drug dealer Drug dealer Drug dealer heroine treatment heroine withdrawal treatment how to help addiction how to help drug addiction how to help with drug addiction how to treat heroin addiction just tee lsd treatment marijuana addiction help marijuana addiction treatment opiate addiction opiate addiction treatment opioid addiction treatment overcoming heroin addiction reasons for addiction
drug dealer addiction drug dealer and addiction drug dealer drug addiction drug dealer for drug addiction drug dealer from addiction drug dealer from addictions drug dealer from drug addiction drug dealer from heroin addiction drug dealer in addiction signs of heroin addiction sober january 2015 substance abuse substance abuse help substance abuse treatment the drug addiction treating heroin addiction treatment for addiction treatment for drug abuse treatment for drug addiction treatment for herion treatment for heroin treatment for heroin addiction treatment for heroin addicts treatment for substance abuse treatment heroin treatment heroin addiction treatment of heroin Drug dealer Drug dealer Drug dealer Drug dealer treatment of heroin addiction treatment options for heroin treatments for heroin treatments for heroin addiction ways to combat drug abuse what drug addiction what is a drug addiction Drug dealer what is addiction drug dealer what is drug addiction what is heroin addiction what is drug dealer from addiction what is the drug addiction what to do with a drug addicted son why drug addiction


Older Post Newer Post


Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published