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My Gateway into Drug Addiction

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I was merely 13 years old when I had my first drink. I had the last drink at 20, nearing Christmas. I don’t really remember when I stopped drinking in my youth, but there where times. And I remember the first time that I mixed alcohol with any kind of drug. This is the first time I experienced any sort of gateway. I was young and instantly hooked by an already changing brain chemistry and soon to be changing social climate. What is a youth to do? I didn’t know this would lead me to what most call a “gateway” or my eventual illicit addictions, but I lived the best I could!

I was 15 at the time and had managed to stay in in a good academic standpoint. I remember things were gliding by just fine for my life, my first love, and me. Things were fine, for now. But, I was young and in puppy… whatever? And if something was to become bad for me, I am young, I’ll bounce back right? But, as I’m already guessing about the future, the present was all but dull at 15.courtesy of gateway My Gateway into Drug Addiction 34223

I remember the late night phone calls I had with she who shall not be named. We would usually have such great phone calls, but I could tell something was up this time. I was in dissolution when “the guys” at her school said she’s sleeping around. I guess now we will see the truths as “Vader” clicks the phone and says were done… for the first emotionally tormenting time. I call back and she listens to me yell and scream a little bit, while she was partially drawing a tear… not. I felt like nice guys do finish last, as I seem all but nice.

How could my first love break up with me? We were supposed to get married. The early adolescent chain in psychology now gears towards attachment issues and there is a shift in paradigm developing. “OH NO OH NO. Stop… She’s gone and she’s not coming back? Or is she?” I see where I got the paranoia from, and why I did so many downers, they treated me like I was available ready to be used again. Burned, but certainly not broken. [lies]

I tore into a bottle of 7 o’ clock vodka that I pawned a crack head into buying for me in exchange for a five dollar rock. It was all-good in this neighborhood because I was only 15 minutes outside the brinks of me and Detroit Rock City. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll were a thing; they began to be my thing soon.

I drank nearly half of the fifth while then trying to break a plastic effing bottle on the side of a curb. I got the shitty kind of bottle with the damn filter on top… yeah one of those ones. I went cheap but hard, real hard. What? I’m broke but not dumb, that stuff will get anyone drunk!

I see a pattern in youthful development happening as deviance begins to appear apparent. As the deviance begins then so does the constant need to feed an everlasting hunger. This hunger is, was, and always will be the good-for-nothing taste of addiction. This is the addiction that leaves a bad taste in your mouth and a foul stench on your upper lip irritating the tips of your nostrils.

I started using at a young age, and I developed an extremely co-dependent relationship with an abusive (still underage—same age as me) female person. I fed off the unnatural cycle of an ever-growing culture within teens and technology advancements that allow us youth to stay in contact 24 hours a day and conceal it. All I needed was a phone and she was there. Sad to say though, she wouldn’t be there this time!

I was flustered and a half of a fifth deep into pure effing paint thinner. –Literally they make the same types of material with paint thinner in 7 o’ clock vodka which is a kind choice of cheap clear liquor or a cheap whiskey we called Live Try Die because of it’s limited time Canadian taste on the bottle as a cheaper and dark choice—

I was making all sorts of decisions and actions that I couldn’t tell at the time because my brain wasn’t ready to understand these types of feelings, these emotions, and they were killing me. The more I let go of things I’m close to that I “thought” were good the more I lose sight of myself and become evil in my eyes.

I began binge drinking and losing relationships with the right types of people, while the teachers at my high school tell me I reek of booze. I was half asleep during my pre-calc with trig mid term. I don’t know how I maintained advanced classes through it all but they started at an early age too.

I called a friend or two… maybe three. I actually got in touch with the weirdest person… you’ll never guess who it was! “And I cannot say for legal purposes either!”

We met up at the oddest of places, which was right behind our high school. Remembering I’m fifteen and still drunk, I ask how much? He said, “20 a g” So I bought a gram of what he called “chronic weed.”

See, back in the day the truth is, we had “Reggo,” “Chron,” and “Dro.”

Reggos were just regular weed and it was pretty plain and simple back in the day: 10 bucks for 2 grams; it was an easy as pie high.

Chron was the same as Dro, which were both Hydroponically grown making its THC content different. That was 20 a g for my first time. A g means a gram in drug terms btw. Oh that means “by the way” too! I hope you’re keeping up!

I get over to another just say, “acquaintances” houses who had been kicked out of my high school. We go into his room where laying in front of me is a 9 by 9 room and a small turtle tank with a roll out bed. It was horrible. The mom was yelling—smoking a cigarette—I couldn’t tell if she was pissed at us or just pissed! … in multiple ways I hope you understand again!

The kid that house I’m at pulls out what seems to be just a regular Soda can… not bottle… yet. He turns it sideways so that the front end can be sucked out of. He bends it a little bit making a small edged bowl. He then asks if I have anything sharp. I say no. He pulls out his switchblade out of God knows where in that room, says “damn too big!” I did have my ears pierced and in the process of gauging them… I hoped {please mom and day I pray to you… ?} So I hand over an earring. “Perfect!” The piggy squeals.

We grind the weed up with our hands as this was the first time mixing liquor and an illicit substance at 15. There was also a progression of an underage drinking, addiction and co-dependency issue stemming from deeply rooted attachment issues! Where does the blame lay? Who is to say there is a fault for any of this?

I just… I did inhale that Marijuana. I mixed liquor and weed and I still have no answers on how to fix it, although I might know where it comes from!

You see the advancement in my adolescent addiction didn’t become a problem until an early trigger of a girlfriend cheating comes into play. Me being at the early age I was, did not know how to deal with these emotions I keep telling you about. Most adults don’t know how to deal with getting cheated on, so how would someone with a co-dependent mind with an already 2-year relationship at 15 act? I know I acted in self-medication and it led to the advancement of my addiction from a deeply rooted psychological issue I was not mentally equipped to deal with.

I ended up finding a gateway drug and diving into much harder things. The next to come was ecstasy, and then things like prescription narcotics and cocaine, ending in heroin and alcoholism again all by the time I was 20 years of age.

My relapse into harder drugs or a gateway if you will call it that didn’t progress from a particular drug, but mine developed from an ugly and unhealthy relationship as it taught me the wrong coping skills in my life. My gateway started many years before I actually tried my first illicit drug. I was addicted to a feeling, and that feeling at such a young age is dangerous. I kept feeding it with underage sex and a dream that we would be high school sweethearts. I was wrong and my stomach startle to rumble with the lack of food. I starved my addiction that I didn’t know or claim to have at the time, and then fed it with drugs and self-medication.

My addiction and gateway relapse didn’t start with a particular drug, it started with a feeling from some “thing” that was uncontrollable to anyone I trusted to share it with or myself.

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