I’ve done a lot of drugs in my day. I’ve had a lot of battles to conquer; not all of them were easy. I’ve FU#%ED up a lot and put a lot of crazy S#!t into my body—that’s the God’s honest truth. I’m not proud of this, but truth be told I suffered a lot—self-inflicted or not. And I’ve become very, very dope sick, many times.
Every time I would do dope there would be a dry spell of finding a new dealer or a similar scenario—ultimately my sources would run thin and I’d run out of dope.
The FBI/DEA narcotics squad would pop (bust/arrest) the dealer I would get drugs from. I didn’t usually call my dealer on those days. I always had a tip off—someone to inform me of the drug busts. But when he got popped there would be dry spells. Or other times I simply didn’t have any money. Hmp Hmp how tragic.
Usually I would do the last hit—then a couple of rinses—of heroin I had and it wouldn’t be much. The hit wouldn’t last very long by then either.
My tolerance went up even as my weight went down. My tolerance was like a threshold or plethora. I would flood my brain with dopamine/serotonin cutting off the natural supply (yes all humans produce this shit already). My dopamine level would be dropped to zero and I would need to compensate for that natural loss by adding a synthetic Hell (poison).
It’s safe to say that every time I used and hit a dry spell that being sick for the dope (withdrawals) would become worse every single F3$Scking time! EVERY SINGLE TIME.
When my dope sickness arrived I couldn’t tell the physical parts at first. My withdrawal would come in my darkest moment, the moment of actually being high. My emotional stratosphere would decay: “Where is the next hit coming from?” I would worry about worrying and became completely irrational. I felt like I was losing; simply losing for a loser.
I would look for anything I could—money, things to pawn, things to steal—to get my next fix. Most times I would come up with absolutely nothing!
This happens to a lot of people in active addiction. There is no luck here, just a quant little ugly duckling and his self felt misery.
I could have persevered but I was now becoming physically ill from the withdrawal. When the symptoms hit with absolute desolation I was crushed by every brutal bone I had. It was purely unbearable. I wasn’t worried about being dope sick anymore… I was dope sick.
I couldn’t collect myself. I went through emotions but I couldn’t stop spouting out my absurdities at the wall! I started screaming trying to find myself a rinse (watering down cotton swabs with heroin residue). I would often give myself cotton fever from doing too many rinses in a row. There would be no residue left and I was injecting cotton straight into my bloodstream causing an immediate allergic reaction. My temperature started rising above 104.7 degrees at times and others my arm would blow up and swell like a balloon.
By the end of this charade I was in a world of pain. I would be screaming from my gut all the way to my brain. My legs shuttered and I couldn’t seem to find my bearings. It felt like bugs were underneath my skin which is what I called: “The creepy crawlies.”
There was a group of fire ants tearing my flesh apart but no physical signs to be seen. I looked like I was squirming from a seizure but no one knew exactly what was causing my restlessness. I was creeping, and I was crawling. This went on for days!
This is a persistent disease where the feeling wouldn’t last for a mere hour or even 24 hours. I dreaded the days to come, as it lasted days for what seemed like an eternity. “Where is the next hit coming from?” I asked again!
I began to feel more symptoms arise. I tried to vomit to clear the acid in my stomach that was coming from the bile produced from liver abuse. All I could do was dry heave with giving myself bloodspots on my face due to the lack of oxygen.
I would get morsels and little grainy parcels to come up but nothing concrete besides a yellow puss filled acid puke. This was all I had to offer: “Bile.”
I felt like the flu was creeping in. I remember this type of flu from when I was a kid and was old enough to understand the meaning of “sick.” This was a whole new type of sick.
I was drained, and it was what most would call, “The flu multiplied 100X… or a thousand more!” I wouldn’t lie to you because I currently have the flu! #Truth
I’ve flooded my bodily system so many times with deadly toxins that I’m “literally upside down.” A close doctor-friend told me once, “Your body is the complete opposite of what you should be.”
My body didn’t know which way was up or which way was down, besides rock bottom. This wasn’t even the flu—this was pure poison.
I’ve poisoned myself and I’ve poisoned those around me. Now I have another rehab bill to pay. Why couldn’t I deal with it a different way? Why couldn’t I deal with myself a different way?
I feel like not feeling as the numbness I was inflicting became an intensified pain I couldn’t control. There was no ordinance over my daily functioning. I simply hate myself for all the things I’ve done. My mentality becomes more unbecoming even in itself. I’m tangled between two worlds: 1) Real world 2) Upside down world.
I feel like I was in a cyclone of emotions, along with a world of heaping pain. There was a crater in my stomach and a sledgehammer giving it a thump… thump… thump. I had skin that felt like a raptor—simply slithering.
I was slithering through my withdrawal, slowly and noticeably. I couldn’t hold this to myself as everyone around me thinks I truly do have the flu.
Mom asks: “Why are you so sweaty? Why do you keep pacing?”
I reply: “My legs are restless.”
Dad implies: “Warm baths help restless leg syndrome, I’ve heard!”
After my 12th damn bath at 5:30 am there was still no luck.
I was at my breaking point. Nothing took away my completely intolerable feelings, thoughts, and actions.
Next, I break down and tell everyone: “I’ve relapsed again,” as they didn’t know I was back to using.
My mother falls to the floor and dad gives me an option, but it’s not to stay with them. I’ve incurred another rehab bill. Thank you debt; the debt of addiction. Haven’t I paid enough? Haven’t I bled enough?
To be continued through another sick and sufferings detoxification, relapse, or terror…
This is truly what it means to be dope sick.
With this complete breakdown you can truly understand what those suffering from addiction go through. You can be more apt to watch out for these warning signs of someone around you being “dope sick.”
I wish everyone God’s speed in recovery. To those still suffering I wish you to know that this feeling doesn’t last forever.
It get’s better. Recovery is truly, truly better than being high. As you may hear: “My worst day sober/clean is better than my best day high!” I will tell you that it’s true coming from someone with almost five years clean. Recovery works if you stay clean and do the right thing!
Sometimes the only way to fully understand this is through realization and awareness. Treatment may be close to home for many, but you must be willing to fully surrender. You must be willing to take the pain when life wants to give it instead of feeding a perpetual misery and indecent lifestyle.
As Karl Marx said about things like religion and all “worldly pleasures” the world is full of situations like: “Opium for the masses.” This means that these forbidden pleasures (in his mind) they try to blind and numb you from the pain that the world has to offer—as a necessary evil.
Now this has come true and Marx has predicted another eventual outcome without the clearest of intent (which most of his work gets confused!).
Marx said it: “Opium for the masses.” The worldly population is sick—dope sick—and feeding a consequential but real OPIUM of the masses. As more and more get addicted to opiates, opioids, and things like heroin this societal tolerance grows leading to a perpetual downfall. Society can breed this sickness. The world has become a philosophical opium for the masses and a drug in itself.
dope sick addiction dope sick and addiction dope sick drug addiction dope sick for drug addiction dope sick from addiction dope sick from addictions dope sick from drug addiction dope sick from heroin addiction dope sick in addiction signs of heroin addiction sober january 2015 substance abuse substance abuse help substance abuse treatment the drug addiction treating heroin addiction treatment for addiction treatment for drug abuse treatment for drug addiction treatment for herion treatment for heroin treatment for heroin addiction treatment for heroin addicts treatment for substance abuse treatment heroin treatment heroin addiction treatment of heroin Dope sick Dope sick Dope sick Dope sick treatment of heroin addiction treatment options for heroin treatments for heroin treatments for heroin addiction ways to combat drug abuse what drug addiction what is a drug addiction Dope sick Dope sick Dope sick Dope sick what is addiction dope sick what is drug addiction what is heroin addiction what is dope sick from addiction what is the drug addiction what to do with a drug addicted son why drug addiction