THE START OF MY RELATIONSHIP (not so sober… yet):
Today, I’m a Sober Wifey. My name is Brittany and my husband is Zach!
When Zach and I crossed paths I wasn’t a wife and I was anything but sober. The more he got to know me the harder it was to hide the way that I was living. He began to see through my crappy façade; managing to be that one annoying person who could see into my eyes, despite my masks. I think he thought that he was getting this nice little hard-working bartender, who happened to also be a single mom.
Those things were true, but in reality I was a twenty-two-year-old broken person, who managed to manipulate my way through day to day relational stuff. That basically means I tricked most of everyone into believing that things weren’t as bad as they really were behind closed doors.
Having spent the better part of my adolescence & young adulthood held captive by polysubstance dependence, depression, & trauma related dissociation, I’d also become comfortable with chaos, loud bars, court rooms, and abusive men.
The first year of my husband and I’s relationship was tumultuous, one-sided, and truthfully, unfair to him. Our dynamic resembled every other relationship that I had with the “healthy people,” who desperately tried to be a part of my life… He spent a lot of time trying to find me, and was asking me the same tiring questions about my whereabouts, while fighting me for my car keys and calling me out on my lies; or bailing me out of jail.
But, as I sit here today, he and I are exactly one month and six days away from celebrating our ten-year anniversary together. I can’t even tell you how it feels to look back at all of this. My personal journey of finding myself hasn’t been easy, and wasn’t easy for my husband either. Though, what we have learned is that easy isn’t usually where you find the good stuff!
WHAT BEING A SOBER WIFE MEANS TO ME:
Being a sober wife means so much more than actually being able to remember the dates we go on, or having the ability to reminisce together on the nights we are feeling particularly nostalgic.
Being a sober wife means that I’m living life my life as a whole person. I wholeheartedly enjoy my husband and I’s life together. I look forward to making memories with him, and I truly enjoy being able to be all in this relationship! Sobriety offered me the opportunity to learn about love. Now, I allow myself to accept it, I know how to express it, and I still practice loving myself every day.
A MESSAGE FROM MY HUBBY! (hehe…):
“What’s it like to have a sober wife?
I don’t drink as much beer.
This hasn’t been an easy road for either of us. It’s been a learning experience for me. I’d never known anyone who was addicted to drugs so I wasn’t familiar with addiction until I met her and her family. So loving her, despite her being sick, was pretty confusing.
Her early recovery days were probably our most difficult time. I had to the bad guy more than I would’ve liked. I’ve been yelled at, and hated more days than I can count. Most days she hated me. The majority of our time was spent in a battle of wills. The rest of it was given to her so that she could focus on getting better. I had no idea that what I was up against was so powerful, and so relentless.
For me having a sober wife means that I have this bomb @$$ woman to love, who is finally able to love me back.
To have a sober wife means that I look at her as I see this person who has fought really hard, and I know what she is capable of overcoming. She is strong.
I have a sober wife who I can trust. I don’t always have to know where she is, and I don’t worry about her all of the time.
She is so much more confident in who she is and she even lets herself laugh now. I think that’s my favorite part. Her sobriety has definitely changed her life around, but watching her go through so many changes has been inspiring to me!”
SFY NOTE: With remembering how the entire family is effected by alcoholism and addiction, we see that love truly does prevail in this battle known as humanity. I thank God that Brittany is alive and healthy today, and I thank her husband for the grace he provided her on her journey of becoming better. Her husband was strong, not enforcing codependency, which is one of the best assets to have in a recovering loved one’s journey. So if you or a loved one is struggling and not knowing how to cope, or help them cope I advise you to take note on this story and join our friend Brittany at “Discovering Beautiful: A Sober Blog.”
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