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Will I ruin my Addiction to get Clean?

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My addiction has been self-harm, but my battle with addiction and recovery can relate to all forms of addiction and recovery. People wanted me to be clean a lot longer than I wanted to be clean. So, what am I going to do about it?


Let’s be honest, there was a time in our addiction where we almost fell in love with our self-destruction. The self destruction was the only thing we could control in our seemingly uncontrollable life, and it was the only thing that would stay as the devil held the exit door open for everyone else in our lives. The people who love us do not have that infatuation with our addiction. They see it for what it truly is… destruction.

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Many people that loved me wanted to take the razor out of my hand way before I was ready to ditch it; they had to watch me as I denied their help and continued to harm myself. I had to be clean for a month and then relapse again, and then be clean for more than a month and relapse again. I had to be constantly ripping open my veins; I had to grind through recovery and fall through relapse to start hating my addiction.

Pay attention here. There was hatred in the addiction, but not hatred for myself for being addicted; it took time before my epiphany happened.

When I learned to hate my addiction, I learned to love myself and love recovery.

Recovery isn’t pure and simple. Recovery involves waking up each day, looking in the mirror and saying:

“Today is my day. I will not let my addiction control me. I was put on this planet to do something incredible and I’ll be damned if I let my addiction take away my chance to do that thing I was destined to do.”

Recovery also isn’t always that motivational and positive. Recovery may be just so you don’t “break the streak” and less about getting healthy. Recovery also can mean relapse, and to be quite frank, almost all stories of recovery there will be relapse. However, you can make that relapse push you back one or two steps on the flight of sobriety, or you can let it push you down every single step until your black and blue lying on the floor. That my fellow soldiers in the war of addiction is up to you.

I’m asking all of you—no matter the addiction—to look in the mirror each day and tell yourself:

“Today is my day. I will not let my addiction control me, and I was put on this planet to do something incredible. I’ll be damned if I let my addiction take away my chance to do that thing I was destined to do.”

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I’m asking all of you who are so brave in your fight, to never let any relapse kick you off the flight of sobriety. I’m asking all of you to get clean.

So now it’s time for you to ask yourself, “Will I let my addiction ruin me? Or will I ruin my addiction to get clean?”

Guest blogged by– David A.

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