Steps to Finding Love –
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Steps to Finding Love

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In life set-backs and early recovery some of the hardest words to say are the ones you need the most. Some of the hardest words to say are “I love you.”

Why is it hard to say I love you?

We have been debating our own self and moral worth throughout all of our setbacks. This approach has taken an idea of self-loathing. We begin to not only resent our surroundings, but we begin to resent ourselves. Hate begins to drive us and sometimes dig us a deeper hole in whatever our set-back is, and a harder one to get out of in recovery.

I’ve written an article previously on why the words “I love you” are the hardest to say in early recovery. It touches on some of the key points to why an addict may have the hardest time saying “I love you.”

For why it’s hard to say I love you go here-

So we all know it must be hard saying these words, but they are some of the most therapeutic words we will get our daily dose of alternative medicine. This only stresses the point that we should say these words to the point where it makes us uncomfortable, not only because we need to push our own limits but give back to those who’ve supported us.

We know recovery won’t be easy, and that is why I say it’s okay to push the boundaries. Change is never easy, and what we are doing from our “set-back” to recovery is changing completely. It’s a flip-flop. And to those who have supported us the most in and out of set-backs may be wondering if you love them or not, because they sure as heck love you!

So why is love all you need?

Love is:

       1) Healing
       2) Powerful
       3) An aphrodisiac
       4) Releases the same types of neurotransmitters in your brain as the reward system
       5) Feeds your pleasures in a healthy way… among many more

So, how can we practice giving and taking love? Most people in meeting type programs, given to us by the traditional way of examining “set-backs” go on to say things like, “We will love you until you can love yourself.” I am here to give you some tips on how love can make you feel better if you implement it, instead of self-loathing. This may be a little bit hard for some and make you uncomfortable, but what good things haven’t come from uncomfortable situations. This is what positive change is all about!

So here is a guide on why love is all you need and how to implement it into your life:

A Guide to Love

1. Pick someone, or even three people in your life that you know you have care for

2. Write down their names in a notebook (you should be keeping)

3. Make an effort to see them face-to-face or call them every day for one week

4. Say the words “I love you”
a. When you tell them you love them, tell them how that or they make you feel
b. When they say I love you back tell them how that makes you feel

5. After doing this go back to your journal and write down these things
a. Their facial expression and what you thought yours was like
b. Their body gestures and how they change after saying
c. How this made you feel (obviously)
d. Where it led the conversation
e. What they said in response to “I love you”

6. After doing this sit-down and write one paragraph for each of the five things listed above A-E
a. You can write anything, anything that comes to mind, anything at all… even how             uncomfortable it made you feel

7. Then once you get done with this draw a line on your paper separating this into part one and part two

8. In part two you will answer these two questions on paper and then go back to this person and tell them what you wrote
a. Write down
                      i. “Why do I love them?”
                    ii. “What do I love about them?”
b. Then go back and tell them your answers with or without the paper
c. Repeat steps A-E in #5

9. When finished take five or ten minutes alone to yourself
a. Let your thoughts simmer

10. Draw a third line for part three
a. Write your conclusion
b. Write anything you were feeling or doing in this and how it turned out in the end

11. Repeat on those same people every day for one week

12. Find a new person(s) at the end of that week

13. Follow these guidelines for 90 days.

There’re certain things only love can grant us. Why not getting a little bit—or a lot of—happy off some love. The Beatles quoted as the hippie revolution bad boys and heartthrobs know it all too well. All you need is a little love. Why not when you’re releasing the same reward system chemicals in your brain that a “high” would give you just from giving and taking a little bit of love?

Can you ever wonder what it would be like to never feel love again?  It’s essential we work these practices on a daily basis to open our hearts and our minds while recovering or working for betterment.  Keep your head held high and be positive!  The hard work will pay off, so just keep your heart open for the possibilities this world is set up for you to endure.  There are positives and negatives in this world, but if we keep our heat open to the idea of positivity through love, you’ll always win!

Be happy and healthy the positive way. With love!


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