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A Parent’s View of Son’s Journey from Addiction to Recovery

accept Addict addiction Al-anon Confessions Doctor Drugs gratitude our young addicts parents recovery self-care support

It didn’t’ take my husband and I very long to see that our teenage son was fighting the battle of drug addiction. At first, we simply noticed changes–some subtle and others not so subtle. We didn’t jump to conclusions, but we didn’t sit back and do nothing. We started by discussing our observations with each other.

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Firstly, we noticed our son staying up later each night.  He was also breaking rules and pushing curfew.  He started developing a poor attitude toward school and was missing assignments while skipping classes. Our son was no longer interested in family activities or traditions.  He began sleeping in later; even to the point of not being able to wake up for school. He was argumentative and even aggressive over family rules.

What was even more alarming was his outlook on life. He was negative and disinterested. He seemed to lose his zest for the things he had always enjoyed. Our first thought was perhaps that maybe he was experiencing some mental health issues. We started with a trip to the family doctor. Nothing was physically wrong, so the doctor suggested some counseling because.  The doctor told us that “he’s a good kid, and it’s tough growing up these days.”

At this point, we were wondering if he might be using drugs although we hadn’t found any tangible evidence. The counselor understood our concerns agreeing that it seemed like drugs might be playing a role. With all of that said, our son denied it–aside from “a little marijuana”– the counselor recommended more of a “wait and see” approach.

Wait & See

As we waited we began seeing more evidence of frequent drug use beyond marijuana. There were things that went even more awry. In a matter of months, our son was living the life of a young addict.

addiction A Parent's View of Son's Journey from Addiction to Recovery 9k

In the years ahead our son became homeless, jobless, penniless and hopeless. It was devastating to witness and frustrating to try to help him. My husband and I experienced a full spectrum of feelings. We immersed ourselves in learning all we could about addiction, treatment, and recovery.  We hoped that one day he would need that understanding, too.

During the addiction days we also sought help for ourselves through al-anon.  We also saw a therapist with addiction training. We learned how to live with addiction and how to live our own lives in spite of our son’s. More importantly we began by connecting with others who were also discovering how rampant addiction is. It touches almost everyone at some point whether it be themselves, a friend, or family member. Much of my writing and speaking results from becoming part of the addiction and recovery community; including the creation of Our Young Addicts (an online community of parents and professionals concerned about the rising number of young people using drugs and alcohol).

This time has been anything but empty, though. It’s been full of discovery and engagement.  It’s been full of developing new relationships while maintaining a hope that one day our son would choose treatment and recovery.

How Did We Get to Recovery?

There were several attempts at sobriety followed by relapses, but our son is now doing well while being over a year into his recovery. The big question is, how did we get here?

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It’s the same question he asked me the night before he left for his first (and unsuccessful) time to treatment. He really had no clue that he was an addict or how he’d become one. We could see the problem although he couldn’t. We knew the solution, but we couldn’t explain how or why. In many ways, the how and why didn’t matter. What mattered was that he was not ready or willing to change… yet.

Helping Your Kid Toward Treatment & Recovery

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If there is one thing I learned through all of this, it’s that the decision to stop using drugs and to embrace recovery is up to the addict, not anyone else. Until our son was ready, nothing worked. That was the hardest–and the truest–lesson we learned as parents.

For parents going through similar situations, the most important things that seemed to have a positive impact were the following:

  • Learn as much as we could about addiction, treatment, and recovery
  • Practice self-care
  • Engage with others who could support us
  • Share our experience with others
  • Maintain contact with our son
    • Always letting him know how much we loved him and that we believed he deserved to feel better and have a better life
  • Offer to support him but not enable him
  • Accept that when he was ready he would get the help he needed and begin a life in recovery
  • Pause to accept gratitude in spite of the challenges

With hindsight, the waiting was the hardest part. We always hoped, but there were many days when we didn’t believe that our son would stop using drugs. Those were the days when the tips above were the most important elements that my husband and I could embrace.  These were the tips that saved us and our son.

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