8 Reasons Why I Chose Recovery
The addict lifestyle isn’t a glamorous one. Most people who’ve struggled with addiction know, things can get pretty ugly. Living conditions are often less than favorable and living in my head was even worst. The self-esteem issues from being an addict alone were hard to bare add to that the terrible things I did to feed my addiction and my mental condition wasn’t doing any better. I started hating so many things about my drug use and my life as a result of it. The longer my addiction went on the more things I began to hate about using drugs and being addicted. These awful situations along with my hope for the future created some of the main reasons why I was determined to quit.
We’re programmed to remember good memories far better than the bad ones. For example, we often go back to ex-partner just to be reminded why we left. I’ve found that the same applies to addiction and recovery. The longer I went without using the easier it was for me to forget how terrible using made me feel. I went back and forth between quitting and relapsing until I finally made a list of all the reasons why I didn’t like using, and whenever I felt like using I’d go over the list again. This ensures that I never forget why I chose recovery. Hopefully sharing my list encourages people not to give up, and maybe even reminds them why they chose recovery.
1. I didn’t like the person I had become
I did things I wouldn’t normally do when I was looking for my next fix. Things that went against a lot of my morals and that I was ashamed of. At times I could be very selfish and mean. I acted like all I cared about was getting high and I didn’t like the person that had turned me into.
2. I was tired of hurting the people I love, and myself
I would lie, steal and treat the people I cared about poorly when I needed my next fix. Hurting them damaged my self-esteem so much because it went against everything I believed in. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that my self-esteem got even worst.
3. I wanted to enjoy being alone with my thoughts
The anger, pain, and guilt that I held inside where never far from the surface and in a desperate attempt to get away from them I kept using. However, I only managed to make my emotional issues bigger by never dealing with them and continually doing things that made me feel worst.
4. I wanted to prove to myself and others that I could do better
I had so many people think that I would never change that it fueled my determination to quit using and prove them wrong. Having damaged my self-esteem I also wanted to prove to myself that I was strong enough to do it.
5. The high wasn’t worth the consequences anymore
The guilt and emotional pain I felt once the high faded became so unbearable and once I realized using was the problem the downer intensified that guilt and the pain. I was so jittery and uncomfortable after getting high that in the end it really wasn’t worth it for me.
6. I wanted more out of life
Seeing what addiction did to my parents made me realize I wanted more out of life. I had dreams for my future and drugs weren’t a part of it. I wanted to go to college and travel, things I wouldn’t have been able to do if I was still using.
7. I was tired of never having money for basic necessities
I can’t count the amount of times I bought drugs instead of food, clothes or even toilet paper. The only reason I wasn’t homeless for long was because of my mom, but when I turned 18 she stop getting money for me and the risk of being homeless became very serious.
8. I just wanted to be happy
I was tired of holding on to the pain that led me to use. I was never able to feel good emotions because I never dealt with the bad ones. I would numb them before I had a chance to feel anything good. I wanted to enjoy life again and I couldn’t do that if I kept numbing my emotions.
The 8 reasons why I chose recovery are all connected to one another in some way and together they became the fuel for my desire and determination to quit drugs.
Why did you choose recovery?
I’m a Recovering Addict, Child of an Addict, Freelance Writer and Psychology Student. I’ve recently become a mom to a wonderful baby boy and got engaged to his father, who is also a recovering addict and a great supporter of my dreams. I write all about this on my blog The Life of a Recovering Addict. I love learning, reading, writing and hobbies that require me to be creative and artistic. I dream to one day become a counselor and a full time writer. I’ve always wanted a career helping people and making a positive change in the world.
Clean date: September 2010
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