Official Website of SubstanceForYou.Com
Cart 0

The Substance For You Saga Pt. 9

addiction dad Drugs free friends halfway house heroin mass pharmaceuticals meetings mental health mom parents Recovery rules safety saga

The Substance For You Saga Pt. 9

For Part 8 go here- http://substanceforyou.com/substance-for-you-saga-pt-8/

Anything But This

The Safety Of My Parents

 

I only held my composure at the halfway houses for about three months until I felt like it was safe enough to come home.  By then, enough had been washed under the rug to go back home. “Ahhh, home!” I thought, while my parents had another type of Ahh, in mind. “AHH! More rules…” but this time let’s not be mistaken. I wasn’t in a halfway house or barred prison anymore. My parents enforced rules and had me sign a contract, and a part of the contract was that if I slipped up there was no turning back this time… it was all gone.

The worst thing about staying with my parents as a grown man-child was that they kept asking, “Where are you?” It was constant! “Who are you with? You’re not with your old friends are you?” As I see their angst, I was just as easily to find new friends to bring me down, or me bring them down, I couldn’t tell yet with my life’s direction.

My phone would get a text every 15 minutes from my dad… “Are you safe?” or “Give me an exact location?” By the end of it I'd figured out that he had turned on the GPS tracking on my phone in this stage of my life. “Not trust me much?” I asked him. He replied, “No, not yet we don’t. But it’s not that kind of trust. Do you trust yourself yet?”

While I looked at that as not trusting me completely, I understood his point, because I got myself into this situation I was in. It was time to earn my way out and now I only can imagine what he was feeling while his first-born son left the house after recently getting clean from heroin. Coming home after curfew would give my parents near heart attacks, and I can almost prove that I gave my mom chronic insomnia through all of this. “Why are you so tired mom?” I asked her while I’d wake up at noon, and she was going for her second nap, but not actually sleep… just lie there. “I just need to lie down now that you’re awake,” she said, as if this was her best method of making sure I was still alive and breathing.

If I had a child I would've barred him in his room, but my parents did this process with dignity and respect. I wasn’t barred in my room, in fact, the room that I was staying in was thought to be too triggering for me. Amongst all of that my parents understood me on some levels I couldn’t understand yet. By the time I'd moved home my bedroom was moved from the basement to the upstairs. I was right down the hall for them, and I don’t think it was a tactic to be watched upon, more as it was to be protected in my own home from my own pride and ego. I didn’t know all of this at the time, and I was taught the steps with whatever I could comprehend, so I'd started gaining and giving a peace of mind back. I truly did learn the hard way, as nothing seemed to come easy getting clean. But was it meant to be? It was most definitely not meant to be easy. I learned the hard way or not at all, those were my options I felt. So, I made my choice, went to meetings, and tried to get a better grasp on what I was doing wrong.

courtesy of soberlawyer.com saga The Substance For You Saga Pt. 9 man on bedI got myself a sponsor and started the habit of hitting meetings on a daily basis. My sponsor said, “I need you to call me everyday for the first 90 days and do 90 meetings in 90 days. If you fail to do that I’m not your sponsor anymore.” It honestly felt like more rules and was a harsh way to approach being a mentor to someone, I thought. But what wasn’t harsh about heroin addiction I guess? But, unfortunately at first, like most “newcomers,” I lived up to an expectation I’m sure many had for me and I stopped going to meetings 3 weeks in while I was feeling a sense of cure and hope. I don’t know this feeling that swooped over me, but it felt like I was back to an old me… right where I wasn’t supposed to be, but I couldn’t see that. Luckily my sponsor caught me with this habit early on.

My sponsor called me and didn’t beat around the bush, he said, “We are done here, and I wish you well Brian.” I hung up the phone with some joy actually. “I’M FREE!” I tell my dad. It should have been a relief to him, when I first started going to the meetings he had thought I joined a religious cult. But, after seeing me clean for almost 30 days, he started to drastically change his mind.

My dad then made another rule along with a death stare… “Brian you must have a sponsor… him as a sponsor (as they grew fond of him), to live in this house. Call him back and get in your car I give you to go to meetings. You’re far from cured here son, you’re just coming down from a different type of high now!” What happened next was what my mother claims to this day to have saved my mind. The best thing that ever happened to me was that I listened for once in my life and apologized. Me? Listen? Apologize? Pshhh! But despite it all we had a contract. So I got in my car, made it to a meeting and courtesy of the walrus.ca saga The Substance For You Saga Pt. 9 oxytown 11 10happily saw my sponsor there. We sat at that table for what seemed to be all night. The meeting holder had to kick us out for over staying the time limit and eventually we went and got food afterwards with a group of friends too! For once in my life I felt like I was free, not before. I was gaining that peace of mind back, and my parents “rules” (I see now) were just a guideline to staying alive.

Thank my higher power for looking out for me and speaking through every person in my life at this point. But like my dad said… I was very, very far from cured, getting that out of my head right now. I was in a whole new shit as the pink cloud wore off and my mental health worsened. Mass pharmaceuticals took a grip on me, and I was in danger of my life again. But the only one who was going to kill me this time, and again, was me, myself, and I. My mind worsened, suicidal tendencies rose, triggers were often, and my pink cloud had vanished. What was I to do with my life next? No rule could save me this time.

 

More to come in the next installment of the Substance For You Saga Pt. 10 here- http://substanceforyou.com/substance-for-you-saga-pt-10/

Saga saga The Substance For You Saga Pt. 9 LogoSaga Saga about drug addiction about drugs addiction about heroin addiction abuse drug rehab addicted addicted addicted drug addicted to drug addiction addiction addiction and saga addiction book addiction drug addiction drug treatment addiction free addiction help addiction heroin addiction in addiction of drug addiction saga addiction saga blog addiction saga center addiction saga help addiction support groups addiction to addiction addiction to drug addiction to drugs addiction to heroin addiction to saga addiction treatment addiction treatment center addiction treatment centers addiction treatment program addiction treatment programs addiction treatments addictions and saga addictions book addictions help addictions saga saga abuse treatment saga addiction help saga addiction treatment saga treatment center an addiction is an addiction co addiction saga cocaine addiction help cocaine addiction treatment cost of heroin detox from herion detox heroin detoxing from heroin drug abuse drug abuse help drug abuse treatment drug addicted son drug addiction drug addiction and saga drug addiction blog drug addiction book drug addiction help drug addiction help free drug addiction is drug addiction reasons drug addiction saga drug addiction rehab drug addiction treatment drug addictions drug and addiction drug and saga treatment drug and drug addiction drug detox drug of addiction drug saga drug rehab drug rehab centers drug treatment centers free addiction free addiction saga free drug addiction help help addiction help drug addiction help for addiction help for addictions help for addicts help for cocaine addiction help for drug addiction help for drug addicts help with addiction help with drug addiction herion addiction herion addiction treatment herion detox herion rehab herion treatment heroin abuse heroin abuse treatment heroin addict heroin addiction heroin addiction and saga heroin addiction blog heroin addiction cure heroin addiction drug heroin addiction facts heroin addiction saga heroin addiction signs heroin addiction stories heroin addiction symptoms heroin addiction treatment heroin addiction treatment centers heroin addiction treatments heroin addiction true stories heroin addictions heroin addicts heroin clinic heroin clinics heroin detox heroin detox at home heroin detoxification heroin drug abuse heroin drugs heroin facts heroin history heroin overdose treatment heroin rehabilitation heroin rehabilitation centers heroin support groups heroin treatment heroin treatment center heroin treatment centers heroin treatment options heroin treatment programs heroin treatments heroin withdrawal heroin withdrawal symptoms heroin withdrawal treatment heroine addiction heroine detox Saga Saga Saga Saga heroine treatment heroine withdrawal treatment how to help addiction how to help drug addiction how to help with drug addiction how to treat heroin addiction just tee lsd treatment marijuana addiction help marijuana addiction treatment opiate addiction opiate addiction treatment opioid addiction treatment overcoming heroin addiction reasons for addiction
saga addiction saga and addiction saga drug addiction saga for drug addiction saga from addiction saga from addictions saga from drug addiction from heroin addiction saga in addiction signs of heroin addiction sober january 2015 substance abuse substance abuse help substance abuse treatment the drug addiction treating heroin addiction treatment for addiction treatment for drug abuse treatment for drug addiction treatment for herion treatment for heroin treatment for heroin addiction treatment for heroin addicts treatment for substance abuse treatment heroin treatment heroin addiction treatment of heroin treatment of heroin addiction treatment options for heroin treatments for heroin treatments for heroin addiction ways to combat drug abuse what drug addiction what is a drug addiction what is addiction saga what is drug addiction what is heroin addiction what is saga from addiction what is the drug addiction what to do with a drug addicted son why drug addiction


Older Post Newer Post


Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published