I AM BULIMIA
Although I’m sure you’ve heard about me before, I thought it was time to introduce myself. I’m sure you’ve heard tales of my existence from the poor girls and boys who once called themselves my friends, my lovers. I’m sure they’ve told sordid stories about how rotten I was, deep to the core. But no matter, they’re pain and hatred is what I feed off of, growing stronger the weaker they get. I am what your worst nightmares are made up of.
I am Bulimia.
But you can just call me Mia.
Now don’t get the wrong idea. I am terrible, but I’m not all bad. In fact, I have so many good qualities and so few imperfections, that I draw people in. One of my best qualities is that I’m alluring. Charming. Beautiful. Imagine the most stunning girl in the world. Imagine her flowing, silky hair. Picture her deep eyes that have a fire burning inside them. See her gorgeous, white smile that makes your knees weak. And now picture her body, the one with delicate curves that are toned in all the right places. Imagine the most beautiful girl you can, because she is me. I’m the definition of beauty. I have no physical flaws. No imperfections. I am what every girl hopes to be. I am what every girl would give their life for, just to be half as stunning as I am. And that’s what they do, as sure as the sun will rise.
I hope you don’t think I’m being arrogant because I’m not. I’m simply trying to tell you what makes me so enchanting. I want you to see why people welcome me in with open arms, begging me to tell them my secrets. They want to know how to be perfect. They want me to tell them how to have a perfect body like mine. One that is tight and slender, yet soft and supple with womanly curves that form a perfect hourglass shape. They want to know how to be beautiful, ravishing. And I will tell them, for a price.
Don’t be silly, though, they don’t just want my picturesque appearance. There is much more to me than that. They want all of the characteristics that they themselves are lacking, like confidence, control, dedication and drive. They want to know how to be assertive and strong, powerful and unique. They want all my good qualities and more. And like I said, I will give them my advice, but for a price.
I’m quite generous, you know, offering such secrets up for such a low cost. All I ask of these weaklings is that they do exactly as I say. No arguing, no questioning. Just complete obedience. If they don’t obey my every demand, there will be a consequence or two. Perhaps even a punishment here or there.
I promise endless beauty, confidence, strength. I promise control and power over your life. I promise you numbed emotions and no pain. I promise you everything you want.
I really don’t ask for much in return. When I say starve, you will starve. When I say purge, you will purge. If you binge, I say over-exercise. Not eating should be a simple thing, but remember, I deal with people who have no control over their eating. I deal with the weak, pitiful, ugly ducklings. I work with them and turn them into the swans they wished to be.
But I’d be nothing, if not cunning. Every choice has consequences. Every wish has a catch. With me, the catch is nothing short of your life. But I will take it slowly, draining you of your fat, your energy, your strength. Draining you of everything until you are nothing. And then once you truly are worthless, I will let you go so I can move onto a fresher, riper victim.
You will be left with absolutely nothing. I will rot your teeth, your throat, your stomach. I will take your esteem, your worth, your confidence. I will steal your smiles, your laughs, your joy. I will destroy your relationships, your health, your life. I will ruin you. And then I will let you die.
And what’s worst, you will be stick-thin and will see nothing but a fat, grotesque monster staring back at you in the mirror. I will turn your life into a fun house mirror of horror. Your reflection will never be the same. The thinner you get, the fatter you will see yourself. You will stand there under my critical eye picking apart all the fat pieces on your body that I hate. And soon you will hate them too because your excess lard will become the main source of your pain.
And to add to that, the scale will become your worst enemy. Every time you step on it there will be nothing but disappointment on my beautiful face. You will never be good enough for my standards. It doesn’t matter how much you starve, how much you workout, how many diet pills you take, how much you purge, you will never be good enough. You lost how much? Lose more. You will diet and work until fat becomes a feeling that you will do anything to avoid. You might even turn into a junkie, in order to avoid that feeling of fatness.
But fear not, you’ll gain the toilet as your new best friend. You will end up spending most of your time on your knees for me, but that’s just where I like you. Below me, begging for mercy. I might give it to you at first, to earn your trust. But as time goes on, I will give you less and less. You will start to live for my praise, die for my approval. The thing is, you will never gain, you will always lose.
But guess what? There is a choice you can make that will lock me away, exhausting me of my power. A choice you can make to debilitate me completely. Her name is Recovery. If you leave me for her, it will make me weak. There will still be days where I rear my beautiful head and tear you back down. But Recovery will be there to build you back up.
Recovery will give you everything I promised and more. She will even give you happiness and love. Friendship and support. She will give you everything you ever dreamed of and more. Recovery will give you the world with none of the horrible demands I had for you. She will ensure your health, your sanity, and your life.
So the choice is yours.
Dead or alive?
Thank-you for reading. If you have any comments, questions, or concerns I can be reached on Twitter @JordynDalton
For I AM RECOVERY GO HERE-
I am RECOVERY- Eating Disorders- http://substanceforyou.com/i-am-recovery-eating-disorders/
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