The Substance For You Saga Pt. 12
For part 11 go here- http://substanceforyou.com/substance-for-you-saga-pt-11/
I was at my parent’s house now and told them that I had the flu again. Just like I did the first time. Of course it was back to the same ole bullshit. My dad didn’t buy it, while my mom was immediately making me an Epsom salt bath to try and calm my leg spasms. The Formication was most certainly back, and I couldn’t seem to shake it! I ran 12 cold then hot baths to try and make the ants stop crawling, but nothing worked. I walked myself down the stairs with disappointment and hatred towards one person:
“myself.” It was already almost 3 A.M and the rules that were there before were clear and present, as both parents were sitting down in the family room. I approached them as softly as I could without passing out or vomiting on the floor in front of them. Then, I started to talk and it didn’t go well. I ended up nearly killing my mother with my words, “I’ve relapsed.”
Mom immediately fell to the floor and crawled herself all the way up the stairs to her bedroom. I’ve never seen someone literally crawl all the way from the bottom of a two-story house to the farthest bedroom away, but this time it happened. I couldn’t tell if she hated me or if I was literally killing her. This was all to customary though, I was killing her by slowly killing myself. I had to believe that at the time, or I would have never stopped for good on this day. She was crying so hard I couldn’t make out any words but it was clear that she never wanted to see me again. “How can I lose my mother? I thought you always have a mom!” I yelled to her, as it only made things worse. Remembering today was Christmas Eve this could turn out to be by far the worst present given this year, but the best in future years to come.
I’ve never seen someone almost die in front of my eyes, especially from words, but I’m sure she was thinking the same exact thing. Maybe it was more than just words, who really knows at this point in my addiction? It could have and probably was the years of her waiting up late wondering if her son was wind up on the 5 o clock news as the feature, “Dead boy found shot/overdosed floating in the Rouge River Parkway.”
My father then says, “You can’t stay here anymore son, you must leave.” As it finally had hit me, I started to cry too. This was mostly to save my own ass. I begged and pleaded not knowing where I would go. Would I be homeless again? End up in the halfway house again?
I told him I had nowhere to go and it was almost Christmas and I asked him how he could do this to me? This was for sure going to get me a lump of coal from Santa Clause this year for more than one selfish or two reasons. I started to cry harder and harder, as my overgrown man-child and now obese body figure did me no good to gain sympathy. I clearly wasn’t taking care of myself.
He said, “You’re going back to the halfway house son, I’m sorry but you leave me no choice.” I could tell his heart was broken, but I knew I had no choice either. I couldn’t trust myself and neither could anyone with the state I was in. I wonder what my 13-year-old brother had to say for this. I’m sure he had no idea what was “really” going on. I checked myself back into being halfway to homeless. Back to the halfway house I hated so much again, with no parental rules this time. All I was left with was that lying cheating bastard, owner of the death camps, and master manipulator of them all. I was in for one hell of a ride, cold turkey, and with absolutely no support this time. My grandma seemed to be the only one that wanted to see me as she was the “Mother Theresa.” But, sadly and unbeknownst to us this would have been the last Christmas—good or bad—we would ever have with my loving Alice. This time it was for real, no pink cloud, just straight to the gates of hell. It was with arms wide open and I could feel the heat cranking, or it might have been the detox at this point? Either way I screwed myself again. Oh hell… is it getting hot in here?
To see part 13 of the saga go here– http://substanceforyou.com/substance-for-you-saga-pt-13/
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