Hi, my name is Claudia and I'm still on this Earth because of 5 boys who are/were in a band called One Direction.
You see, I'm 19 now. But when I was 10 my life was totally different than it is now. When I was 10, I was getting stabbed, beaten and punched at school. Verbally abused, or just straight up ignored. When I was 10 I went to one birthday party and I spent the whole party locked in a dog cage in pitch black darkness, by myself.
So, when I was 10, I discovered my best friend. My best friend names self harm. Yes, I said 10 years old is when I started self harming. When I was 13 years old I couldn't take it anymore and I wanted to die. So I tried. And I tried to kill myself 9 times between ages 13-15. I was still self harming at this point too. I became hospitalized over 4 times, until one day when I was 15 years old and I was in a group session at the hospital. That day was music sharing day.
We were sharing songs that meant something to us. A girl got up and she played “More Than This” by One Direction. When I heard that I rolled my eyes. I only listened to Heavy Metal/Screamo music and Pink Floyd!
But that song. That 3 minutes and 48 seconds, and those 5 boys changed my life forever. “More than This” made me realize that I wanted to live. It made me realize that I wanted to have somebody missing me like that because they love me. I wanted to see somebody's body failing because they see me in another person’s arms. I wanted this! I wanted more than what I’d become. So I quit. I quit self harming that very same day. March 25th, 2012 was the day I quit and I owe it to One Direction. Because of them I haven't gone back since.
4 years later at 19 years old here I am living this incredible life that I would’ve missed. I’m now teaching infants to eat and crawl at a well-esteemed local daycare. Sometimes I cry because of how much my life has turned around. Now at 19 years old I have 13 tattoos and 3 of them are dedicated to One Direction. The tattoo, "Little Things" is on my bicep. Then I have the boys anti-bullying campaign signs in their handwriting. And finally I have butterflies with "More Than That" along with "3.25.12" tattooed on me in honor of the day I turned my life around thanks to Harry, Louis, Liam, Niall, and Zayn.
If I could have just 1 ½ wish in my life. I would choose to meet all of the men or just one of the men who saved my life and tell them "Thank You!" a big true thank you.
I feel like they hear so much hate all the time and so much criticism they just don't get to hear that they saved this girl in Illinois life! The other half to my wish is to get a matching tattoo with Harry!
The boys really mean the world to me, and they're the reason I'm here writing this email to you. I honestly want them to know what they've done for me. Be able to see the scars of mine that have healed because of them. They bring me this joy; this happiness I haven't felt since I was 5, and make me smile.
This is truthfully a really hard thing to do because of all I've been though, but, they give me hope. I wish I could say that I don't, but 4 years later I still get self harm thoughts every day. So I turn the boys in “One Direction” on my stereo, earphones, or headset, and they calm me down to remind me that “I'm More Than This,” and to not act on my thoughts. I’ll admit that there was a point in time where 80% of my skin was scars from self injury wounds. But now thanks to One Direction, all of my injuries have healed. Today I can smile again!
I hope to hear back from you, my secret best friends!
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