Tonight has been filled with so many soft and sweet--yet difficult to ignore--lustful notions. I am now convinced that a #lovewins mentality can conquer anything.
But that's such a hard pill to swallow.
It's an overzealous supplement to most. And continually overwhelming to myself.
I've never been a firm believer in faith. But everything around me begins to shine.
Sitting back, I begin to relax after lulling my gorgeous wife to sleep with a beautiful passage by our hometown hero, “Mitch Albom.”
And although everyone is asleep. You can tell that "family lives here."
You may think I'm crazy by telling you only two 'humans' live here. But it's as true as putting my hand over my heart and swearing to tell the whole truth, and nothing but it.
In such a warm and inviting house you might get overly optimistic.
But all is safe. All is sound. And love breeds the utmost truth.
While I was putting my dishes away there was an obnoxious clank! The pans hit the pots and an empty bowl went flying nearing 12:15 AM.
The dog suddenly yelped! While the cat hissed.
I would've usually screamed.
I could have panicked.
But I didn't. Just for tonight.
Before today, I would've felt secluded. Trapped in my thoughts and fears of my once tortured mind.
And that's why this is a different kind of story...
Getting back to real-time in my cozy, humble abode, I look to my left and see furbaby number one sleeping softly.
I can hear my furry little fluff ball of a cat breathing down my neck because all be-known to this household, Mr. King Kat's favorite place to sleep is on my chest. Softly and sweetly cuddling the forefront of my neck as he purrs himself to the Dream World.
I do miss my beard, and I’m half the man that I used to be. But it's such humbling thought now knowing the warmth I once neglected.
The sweetest things in my life are recognizing through the gestures of my first babies and truest loves.
But "this" is never going to fill an entire highlight reel. Nor will it ever be enough love for a full family.
I mean, it could be.
Shallow yet sweet, this sinfully gorgeous atmosphere is missing something.
Sitting here I feel a glimmer upon my shoulder and brush upon my neck.
An angel rose to heaven tonight.
Now lulling my glowing ‘other-half’ to sleep with twenty unforgettable pages from Mitch Albom's, “The Next Person You Meet in Heaven.”
The night begins to shift and my personal history book is growing ever so tender and full.
Reminiscing on the smells and touches of the night; love and health bring smiles for a fond future.
I always wondered what true love felt like, but tonight, we are nesting. And I've never been happier.
As I lay to rest, my infinite love and I softly grasp hands and pray hard for growth and secrets only our two hearts will understand.
Our lives are starting to fill, little by little, with memories that no camera can beat.
Incredibly enough my story circles around and reality snaps back into place. Life begins to make sense and my heart is full of clarity and direction.
Taking care of those I love most is more than I’d ever hope for. Tonight my dreams are coming true. With knowing I can wake up, repeat, and grow if that's what I desire most.
And it is...
So instead of having a panic attack from the pain in my foot, I look into my lover's eyes while she fades into a blissful rest.
Although my foot hurts. I am truly grateful to live and smile with that hurt knowing you can too if you're reading this shared adventure of ours...
I have you know. I stepped on a nail nearing an inch long just a few months ago!
You cannot deny the pain I encountered.
While three months after the fact. I’m still alive. And just last year I would have ceased to exist from panic, not malaise.
In most cases, I would have rushed to the hospital.
But instead, I asked for a much safer 'emergency' visit with a trusted care professional in order to "take care of business" by assured and appropriate measures.
And full disclosure is known, (possible trigger warning), my honesty gets the best of me.
I took the advice of a team I adore and updated my tetanus and pertussis vaccination. Although it wasn't for just physical safety. My mental fortitude required it!
In my anxious mind, I may have not had a choice. I’ve always been deathly afraid of Lockjaw since seeing a documentary in the fifth grade. That has always been true grounds for anxiety and panic.
So, while I could’ve worried and asked my family to take extreme measures, I didn’t.
My foot still hurts. But I’m grateful to have it to cuddle my sweet hunny!
I leaned over to check it and noticed a blister. I've been soaking my pain away in nothing more than warm Epsom water and drinking nothing too harsh. A very simple yet soothing non-caffeinated Kava Stress tea does the trick for all of me, and my loved ones worry. (drink at own risk. not a doctor).
Proceeding to sit down and reduce my impending frenzy. The night begins to dim and I feel my home become one with many hearts.
And as a pat on the back was needed at the beginning of this blog. I now know I overcame “some” anxiety with the love I know I--and her--deserve most.
Now I’m off to silently read the next chapter of Mitch Albom's book before I read it to my wife again tomorrow night.
Her feet are killing her too.
Let’s all say our prayers for a warm and love-filled holiday! And remember to hug someone tight. I never knew how much a hug meant until my wife could fit her arms fully around me for the first time in 3 full years.
It really is the season of joy.
I will always remember the little things she says...
"Honey! I need your feet around mine to sleep."
So, everyone. Sleep tight and remember that I know you and you know me. And some of the simplest pleasures in life come from changing a pat on a back to cuddling, warm pleasures, and sweet whispers.
Love won tonight. And anxiety is kicked to the couch; not me.
I may not be throwing him [anxiety] to the curb yet! But I'm sure gonna wake up and kick his ass again tomorrow :)
Goodnight and happy holidays!
while you're here please take a visit to our community led -- Instagram.com/substanceforyou -- for some recent resources on signs, symptoms and dealing with anxiety, #sponsored by our wonderful friends and family and NiznikHealth.com
If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out for help at: