It’s absolutely awesome having a sober wife who’s not actually in recovery! She gives me, and, understands the best of both worlds. And just because she hasn’t been an addict, doesn’t mean she hasn’t been through struggle growing up in the Philippines, or even being married to an addict (me).
She understands my need and want to stay sober, but then, also understands the “normie” aspect to living a balanced and fulfilling life; that I frankly wouldn’t get without being around her so freaking much! Like when I’ll go on an 18-hour work binge because stuff is flowing, and knowing that sounds nice, you’d say, “Grind away!” But then she chimes in and reminds me to eat on schedule, when in the past I would binge on coffee and, well, no food! Or the times I’d get migraines and stomach cramps because I didn’t know how to drink enough water throughout the day! Good news is that I’ve been migraine and body ache free since I met this amazing sober girl of mine!
She’s from the Philippines, and was raised on strict moral guideline along with some religious values that I never even thought to look at in addiction or recovery! But, I’m happy to say that well… I’m happier because of her rubbing off on me! Just a little bit, right? Hehe!
She understands, and agrees, that there shouldn’t be alcohol around me. Heck, when we were in the Philippines she wouldn’t let her brother even bring it in the same room as me. It would be funny hearing her yell in Tagalog (Filipino language)!
But, if I was married to an addict who was in recovery and their friends brought some liquor around it’s safe to say that I would be in not so great company. Relapse rates would be higher, well, just because I know myself. And the best part is that I feel safer around my wife because of her sobriety and her not even having that “urge.” And to boot, talk about coping with my urges, she is amazing at finding me hobbies… HUGE HONEY-DO LISTS! And I love it!
So for me, it’s super important that my wife is sober along with me, struggle or not. There are many factors but one of the biggest things, that meant the world to me was that our wedding reception party was completely alcohol free! That’s like unheard of nowadays. But, with someone sharing my passion to spread sobriety on the greatest day of my life is something that will remind me in the future to never, ever, pick up a drink or drug! Now talk about positive reinforcement in your life!
“I love you my wifey!”
She’ll catch me at times that I get out of hand. For instance, I’ll start swearing a lot and making crude jokes. This was something that I only did in my addictive behavioral times. Now, she does know this, and, doesn’t tolerate it! But, being sober and knowing how an addict reacts to getting called out on their shit is one of her specialties! Usually I’ll act really psychotic and pretend to be manic, but she knows my weakness and something that all addicts crave… her warm, soothing touch, and kind voice telling me that she loves me no matter what!
So I’m totally grateful to have my wife kick ass with me every day in sobriety and just plain living! And for all of you out there reading, it isn’t just my spouse staying sober but it’s her picking me up after I’ve fallen to the floor crying and things get rough, only to have her comfort me to bring you all another glorious day sober with me! There’s times you may want to give up, but I know who my important person is in my life! She makes that difference every time we wake up!
Lastly, for those of you reading this it isn’t just about spouses being sober together, or one being in recovery and another supporting it. It’s such a bigger issue than that! Recovery doesn’t just mean a wife supporting a husband, or a husband supporting a wife. And it doesn’t mean mom and dad going to Al-Anon either! It means every neighbor, or cousin, or future leaders of this world (our children) joining together to live a positive life together, whether it’s 100% sober or having a more collective consciousness about how to live healthy and coexist that way.
The recovery movement may be something much greater than a movement someday, but it will take more than just a wife, here or there, being sober. It will take communities of addicts and non-addicts to join together and show that unity is the way to take on what is silently killing the people we love. So if you’re reading this and you know someone that is sober, ask them, “What would it mean to you if I was sober too?” Because for me… her actions of balance and true living, save my life each and every single second I live further!
So let me give a huge shout out to the woman who made this all possible (for me) and will inspire many others to join hands as we can all learn from each other… I love you my wifey! My sweet Serenity! Patricia Nicole, Mahal Na Mahal Na Mahal Kita Mahal Ko (I love you so very very much, My love in Filipino Tagalog)! And don’t you ever forget that! Together we can, and alone we all will fall…
Ps. Go give your own shout out to the gorgeous woman who makes this possible for this community on Twitter @SFYXNicole and Instagram at @PatriciaXMcCollom and tell her how gorgeous she really is hehe! And don’t be afraid to fall in love, your heart is a powerful tool that can be used for good. I gave mine a chance and she keeps it beating, stronger, healthier, each and every moment we better ourselves, sober, together! Peace and love!