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Confessions — dope sick

EATING DISORDERS SUCK!

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EATING DISORDERS SUCK!

I don't even like using the words "eating disorders." I'd rather use food disorder, or rather, "A complete mind-fuck!" Because whatever the hell is going on, they suck! Absolutely everything triggers me. I've gone from skinny to fat, to fatter, too skinny, too fat, a billion times. But Hell, those words are far too stigmatizing. Although, for the sake of argument, they are the closest representation I can have of what I truly felt my body has changed like. Heroin made me lose weight. Alcohol made me put it on and then purge it. Being in recovery I began to...

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When I'm Detoxing...

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When I'm Detoxing...

I wake up with some dirt still in my system from the night before and start thinking to myself that it's not going to be so bad... My mind can handle anything right? Unless, it's itself playing tricks on, well, itself. Then I'm fucked. So you bet your sweet ass I was wrong! I don't really care what you're detoxing from either. Whether it be mental health medication or illicit substances, or even overeating--which I love to do! --it's all the same to me. It's an absolute shit show. I'm usually on my knees crying like a little fucking baby,...

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What's a Craving Feel Like?

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What's a Craving Feel Like?

It’s like an itch in the back of my throat that I just can reach, and if I were to put my fingers down my throat too far I’d vomit from a pure overdose of euphoric dissemblement. The feeling can’t be quenched by anything that anyone normal would find purposeful. Rather when I feel a craving come on I begin to find any reason to become sick or ill in efforts to get the “medicine” my body so deserves. I find a reason to feel bad, just so I can find a reason to feel better… When I’m feeling bad...

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Ripping off the Drug Dealer

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Ripping off the Drug Dealer

Some sober friends and I were talking about past times. We were reminiscing about some of the worst times we had gone through in active addiction, as a friendly reminder to never go back there.  Some scenarios we came up with were things like the previous article I wrote on what it feels like to be ...

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What does being Dope Sick feel like?

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What does being Dope Sick feel like?

I’ve done a lot of drugs in my day. I’ve had a lot of battles to conquer; not all of them were easy. I’ve FU#%ED up a lot and put a lot of crazy S#!t into my body—that’s the God’s honest truth. I’m not proud of this, but truth be told I suffered a lot—self-inflicted ...

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