Hey guys! Message directly from the top of the food chain, at least where Substance For You stands, just for today. Ahem! It’s really not any different than who all of you’ve been talking to the whole time anyways, right? I mean, I’m the boss of Substance For You, hence being ‘the boss’ of a husband and wife run organization. But, I am most certainly not my own boss… at least in recovery. I must ask for guidance, I must ask for serenity, and I must be humble along the way. If I don’t I would just be giving back into my old ways of thinking in using. Don’t you understand? I may be a ‘the boss’ but cannot be my own boss because the same types of thinking I had before would take over and I would lose the recovery I’d earned so far. I must turn over part of myself to something that is not ‘me’ and ask for a daily reprieve, one day at a time. That’s what I must do in order to grow in recovery. Humility is key! “I came to believe…” didn’t I? Didn’t you?
So, I cannot be my own boss! I just can’t! It would ruin me, my recovery, and everything I’ve worked for. This isn’t even talking about Substance For You really, if you’ve caught that. This is talking about a lifestyle I’ve worked so hard for. This is the essence to recovery… humility.
I’ve got to keep things in perspective or else I’ll find myself losing me every now and again when I try to take the power back into own hands. And then pretty soon I’ll have lost myself to ‘it’ all over again… And no I’m not talking about God, for anyone who is against religion at this point or any point of addiction or recovery. But I must have some sense of humility to something more powerful than I, in order to keep my life in order. This is most notably known for keeping a foundation of recovery growing and flourishing.
This means that I am not the boss of myself, whether I have a checks and balance system with my wife and I (where we do pray for each other), or whether it be not thinking too much of myself and not taking myself too damn seriously (Rule 62). I just can’t do it, I must remain humble, teach myself humility on new levels each and every day, and give whatever over-powerful resentment I have towards anyone or anything over to something/someone/some being that can release me of my anger, anguish, and internal torment. If I didn’t I’d just go back to resenting the world in whole and relapse again; no doubt about it!
So just for today, I give you this piece as a part of me. I give you a part of my humility in hopes it may find someone out there struggling to humble them as well. And I’ll be honest, I’ve been struggling with a growing head and growing ego lately. But with having a solid support system in recovery, giving my will to something more powerful than me, and learning humility in new forms each and every day I have been able to bring myself back; just for today. So, it is true. The struggle is real, even at 5+ years clean and sober, in recovery. But, that is the point of recovery right? I continue to work on myself, like I know you can. I continue to grow, like I know you are. I continue to remain humble, as it’s not a failure, but a growth, just like you know. So I encourage you, if you ever need it to take a step back, turn over what your dealing with to someone who knows where you’ve been, or something that can help you resolve your ailment at that time, and let go and let… well whatever you feel will help, as long as you’re not your own boss about it! You can do it! I have faith in you.
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