Falling in Love Over the Internet; Best thing that ever Happened to me– When I first got into recovery things weren’t so easy for me. I can imagine they weren’t easy for most of you joining me either… at first. I was what stigmatizing people call “socially awkward.” I remember I’d often look at my hands or feet during conversations and couldn’t directly stare at anyone in the eyes due to self-worth issues. I had a repeating stutter when holding long conversations because I often got nervous meeting people in public as well. This situation was something I never thought I’d be in after being the complete and utter life of the party, while using.
I felt lost and like there was no hope, but this article isn’t so bleak. This article is actually the opposite; it truly changed my life and I know it will change your outlook on life too! Just give it a chance! The whole online dating thing is real folks. The statistics don’t lie, and why? Well… you’ll see!
So, let’s get the truth out there. I fell in love over the internet! And yes this was still in my “early recovery” about 2.5 years clean and sober. Like I said, I had all of these issues going on with me stated above, but I could still type up a mean article (or book) and get it published with the best of them. So instantly I was drawn to rediscovering myself through online dating. And hey… I bet you’re all going, “Another cheesy online dating article!” and I’ll tell you bah-humbug! You ain’t heard a tale like this before…
Now, let’s just throw the obvious out there… I was/am serious. I was searching for someone to marry. I was in it for the long haul at this point, and I had my mind set that I was going to find the person of my dreams online. And you know what? I did!
I however didn’t join Match.com or eHarmony.com. I joined an international dating website and it turned out to be the best thing for me. Pretty soon I was finding myself more and more comfortable with talking, but it was still through the internet, social media, and dating websites. So, I wasn’t completely comfortable until I met “the one.” She was different culturally and different, well in anything that I’d known at all. How did I find her? We can call it karma or fate, or well… online dating! But, I know all of these factors are purposeful in why and how it did and does work, too.
Again I know, cheesy… But hey in addiction I couldn’t cherish the cheesy moments! Today I truly can So if I have one piece of advice right now? CHERISH THOSE CHEESY CORNY MOMENTS! “Hey dude, I’m talking to you! The one who’s girlfriend is on your shoulder probably drooling! Cherish that dude…”
When we first started talking I talked too much, typed way too fast, but was flawless with my wording. Apparently I gave her “nosebleeds” is what she called it, um? from talking to fast! “NOSEBLEED” and when I met her in person she held tissue up to her nose when I started to ramble! “Cheesy, but priceless dude… priceless.”
So, truth be told I don’t think it was because I was online, I think it was because she actually liked me for me. There was no judging and stigmatizing in this scenario, heck she was halfway around the world in the Philippines, so she was looking for the same thing I was! I remember when I first met her the thing that stuck out most was that she had already graduated but is 3 years younger than me! I was thinking to myself… “This girl is hardcore!” There comes the death metal music side of me out! “haha” Hey I’m still in my last year of college, and she is darn well prepared! “Marriage material dudes… cheesy but priceless again!”
So, being privy to social media we instantly connected and I remember the scariest part of our dating relationship was the first time we met on Skype. But, hey I was the first to ask for it!
I asked her… “Are you real? I’ve gotten a lot of fake responses on here!” She didn’t reply, she just video called my phone and showed up to ask, “Is this real enough?” with her gorgeous eyes and smile. Her hair was black and smooth like it to perfectly accent her slightly tanned skin to my slightly tanned skin! It was like we were meant to be, and I wasn’t stuttering… well because I was typing. But hey, if there is a moral to this story it’s that the age of the internet gave me time to warm up to her, get my social skills in line, and be comfortable enough for when we did meet, not to turn and run!
So to make a long story short, she helped me for 6 long months gain recovery I never thought was possible all through the internet. She taught me how to take care of my mind, body and soul while being on a 12-hour time difference. But you know what? She was always there and that was the biggest part that got me comfortable… I was never hurt. She was gentle and the kindest woman I’ve ever met. And yah know what? That is NOT cheesy, that’s different. That is love
As of today, I’ve traveled 24 hours on a plane four times (2 there, 2 back) to meet her and spend an entire summer with her, without any social awkwardness. So you ask how can I prove it? We’ve been married for 3 months as of 3 days ago, living in Detroit, Michigan where her visa is fully paid and approved!
Love can be found in many ways, like the internet. But only truest through the form recovery gives us when we treat ourselves well, and those we learn to love well, too. Be well my friends, be well!
Brian and Patricia, Married December 18th, 2015
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