Today, I woke up without a pain in my gut. There was no need to get up and race out the door. I could eat my breakfast with ease and there was an exuberant taste to all of the things I could enjoy. It was pure bliss. My breakfast had a hint of hearty meats and some nutritious carbs. There was a full range of healthy health going on and I didn’t regret it. I had no mental anguish and my mind was full of crisp thoughts right after my morning low-caffeine tea. Today in my recovery I could simply not complain.
My focus is without question, there is no difficulty in my senses and my serenity is in full gear. The eagerness I have is out of a heartfelt, faithful, lovely divinity brought down to me with only one thing in mind: Live your recovery.
Without question that wasn’t something I was doing almost 6 years ago. But today, recovery is like today. I know you will understand that when you get to where I am. Recovery is simply a part of living, but the living is so much more than anything else that I’ve ever done before. Living is loving and laughing with a sense of curiosity of the things I missed out on, and the things I know I can enjoy today. Living is being able to take a walk down the side street by your house without looking over your shoulder, while instead this time it’s for a pat on the back from a kindly neighborhood friend. Today this is part of what my recovery is like.
Today I can take a nap out in my front yard next to the dandelions and tulips with the smell whipping across my nose like a heavenly scent only known to the God’s; right when the lavender from the patch of flowers to the opposing side masks my face like a sultry scent only known as another thing, recovery. My wife lays in my arms and we nap into our lovely dreams experiencing each others warmth, while my arms wrap around her body and her head lay on my shoulder. We sleep without disturbance, we sleep without malice, and we sleep with only one thing in mind besides recovery. We sleep with the love recovery has let us have. The recovery not only I’ve earned but the recovery we’ve earned. Today this is what my recovery is like.
Why is it like this? It’s like this because I’ve woken up everyday and worked on things that weren’t so “right” in my life. There were many things that were going wrong before I found recovery and today I can say that I happily work on those wrongs, even though I definitely still make some! There’s usually a pattern that I go in with stuff like this, it may take a few steps, or more! For me, it started with two steps forward and one back. Then over time it graduated. I was taking further leaps with my recovery and gaining a higher ground underneath me with it. Although, there would still be days that I would struggle and the gate would be locked from the outside with no key. Then I would, on these days, meditate. Then rather taking a step back, I would hold for a day or two, and then leap even further forward once I’d found my peace inside.
Today I’m truly happy, but I still strive harder and harder for the things I know that I can achieve now! I have healthy people in my life that help guide me, as I learn to guide them as well. I have people that count on me too. They keep me accountable, which was something I never thought I’d have before. My recovery is not certain, but as long as I stay clean today, and each and every one of those days, one thing is certain. That one thing being that for today, I have recovery, and recovery has me. It’s a two-way street with me, those in my life, and recovery itself. This isn’t something I knew almost 6 years ago, or even two years ago in my recovery. That’s why, today, this is what my recovery is like. Because tomorrow it will be different, but if I continue to clean around me, keep myself tidy, and let my hope propel life into a positive atmosphere, tomorrow won’t be the same… it will be better!
Recovery, you have stolen my heart <3 You give me back the things that I wanted when masking my life with intoxications. You give me things that I never knew I could have in the first place. And most certainly of all you give me just to give to me. Recovery you are giving, you are loving, you are because I wouldn't be without you! So, watch me work hard and take this better day, to even better ones. Why? Because, this is my recovery today and recovery has stolen my heart!
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