In my opinion the “Just Say No” idea is outdated and not working when you get approached about doing or being asked to do drugs. If it was a promising idea then we wouldn’t have a youth heroin crisis on our hands; in fact, something I addressed Drug Policy and the White House on a few weeks ago. When confronted with the issue of doing something that health education classes only tell you is, “euphoric” and a “means to escape,” like drugs, then saying no turns to curiosity and most times indulgent for youngsters.
Me being a little bit older, but having a youngster soul to me, I’ve got some pretty down right dirty and sassy ways I’ve turned “Just Say No” into a kickass solution to get the drug pusher knocked on their ass by your defiling montage of historic and memorable words! So, without further ado, let’s kick some ass and take some serious names to find a better way, above and beyond the “typical” just saying NO!
So, this guy walks up to me and asks me, “How you doin’ yo!?” He cocks his head to the side and proceeds to meander on about how what’s in his left—not right—pocket is going to change my life, and all of the people I know lives… Damn, ain’t that the truth! Kill me now? Or save me later!
I look at him like he’s got the label “Life Ruiner” tattooed across his forehead. But, this wasn’t the end! Now things are really freaking escalating… We are taking the conversation to the next freaking level as he says, “Yawl want some life changing shit?” He then urges, pushes and starts to scream, while seemingly being pushy!
And that’s when I say:
- Yo, dude! I don’t feel like dyin’ today! (proceeding to roar like an obsessed lion!)
- My wife would kill me! You see that woman there? The one standing next to me with the gun to my forehead… please meet Mrs. ____________
- I’ve been told that I’m allergic to that “life-changing dope ass shit in your pocket,” and that cuffs, jails, and face-plants to the pavement are prone to me every time I do drugs!
- PLAN: Proceed to take the pills/drugs/powder and throw it back in his face making sure he somehow engulfs some of it and run… really, really fast! I mean super-fast! At least faster than the other person that you’re with!
- Turn around and speak only using your butt cheeks like Jim Carey in Ace Ventura. And then summon your animal friends to save you from this grime.
- I’d say no but you’d think I’m stupid. So, NAHHHHHHH! Then raspberry your lips at him ha! I’d rather be stupid than… GET STUPID.
- Just simply explain, “I’m already on drugs… don’t you want some of mine bro?” Jokingly telling him that sobriety is your favorite drug!
- Train a pet Parrot to scream “DUMBASS!” on command and bring it everywhere you go in case this situation happens!
- I think I’ll just choose to Netflix N Chill instead… I don’t want to have any “problems!” #MoviesandFeels
- I’d rather not wake up in a pile of myself! Thanks but no thanks…
- Sit there with eyes closed and just start to meditate. The dealer will walk away… eventually!
- Start screaming, while pointing at the air, “They’re here! They’re coming! AHHHH!” and start to run in the other direction!
- Tell them that you’re psychic and you see their future, and how horrible it is! #Jails #Institutions #Death #3Choices
- Truthfully: Realize that you’re better than that and call a sober friend!
- Pretend to run into the wall and fall asleep with your eyes half closed. Pretend foam your mouth with spit and then suddenly wake up like you’re from the Exorcist! “I will eat your soul! NOT YOUR DRUGS!”
- Maybe say your mom is calling and just call 911 and walk away? Not a question.
- Ask them if they sell human remains in the form of shake and then stare at them while you growl… “How ‘bout that life changing shit bro?”
- Break out in song… “LET IT GO! LET IT GOOO!” and just smack his ass, turn around, and do a cat walk!
- “Teach me how to dougie, te, te, teach me how to dougie!” Scream this and then Twerk. Do this for about 1 minute and then ask, “Are you confused yet?” When they nod, tell them, “That’s your answer!”
- Ask him if he wants to be in a focus group for drug dealers.
- Start running in place and then get into sprint position. Scream, “3,2,1, GO!” and run circles around them as fast as you can and then say, “Mom’s got lunch ready! Today’s Mac and Cheese day!” and run away…
In reality, we have a lot of different options than just “saying no.” And why not make some fun out of the situation? Heck, it’ll probably be a lot safer to make the drug dealer laugh than it is to just blatantly say no and piss them off! Right?
Spread this for change of policy, knowing sobriety is fun and sexy! You got this friends… #SoberStrong