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Honesty Hurts People; Lying Hurts them More!

Brian McCollom ? addiction am amazing confused confusing confusion honesty husband illness love lying marriage mental mental illness recovery self self harm what where WHO why? wife

Sometimes I'm just SO CONFUSED with being "ME." Sometimes I've never felt so lost. But when you have a foundation of #recovery built up through years of failures & infinite amounts of pain you find strength, courage, & experience to shine through all of the blinding darkness
When I feel like I'm going out of my mind there is a battle between control & loss of control. I'm not sure how much I "WANT" to believe in labels and with them I judge myself harder, but without them I'm not sure who I am at all
Thank God for everyone who can come into my life and take the blinders off my eyes, wipe the mirror filled with fog, snd who can speak to a deaf man although there may be no rhyme or reason.
Dealing with things when I'm at my most irrational points would surely lead to a terrible end. One that everyone who believes in me grieving and wondering "what if" and "if only..."  Just For Today I know that without rhyme or reason there is still a purpose... 
What helps me find clarity is that when my GORGEOUS and AMAZING wife deals (physically) with eye sight and the conflict of wearing glasses I can completely and utterly identify and empathize. Why? Because I KNOW that I am ALWAYS so very much more blind to the World than she ever is. While knowing this and finding ways to humble myself to pain, suffering, struggle, and hurt I find ways through trouble, feeling numb, and seeing while blind, with love; although completely confused with myself.
But that's life... I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR MY SUPPORT SYSTEM! Something that I hope that I can continue to grow and nurture. Because without a solid foundation of hope and adoration for someone who can see the beauty in even the most horrifying of things in me I'm not sure how much I'd be able to notice the light and energy the World deserves from living
This is dedicated to everyone struggling & everyone thriving. We can all relate, but that's what makes being alive such an incredible journey... We all struggle and you are not alone in that battle. I'm no superhuman. Heck, I am not sure I'm a great human. But I'm doing the best I can... #ILOVEYOU 

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